Today is my Birthday. I am 52 years old. I am starting a year long journey to become transparent with my life and my self. I am taking a year to find myself. Find out who I am and how God created me to exist. I suppose I should have figured it out by now but I don't think I was ready before to face my life, myself, who I am, and what I need to transform to become what God intended.
I seek to know who I can become through a transformation of my Mind, Body, and Spirit. So my beginning will be to address who I am now and who I believe God wants me to become.
Transparent #1 I suffer from Depression.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Read more: Gary Jules - Mad World Lyrics | MetroLyrics
If you read the lyrics above and have never felt that way before then you have probably never suffered from depression. I take medicine to help me with my depression. I wish I did not have this feeling, but thinking happy thoughts, unicorns, or rainbows, doesn't help the mood.
I believe this is one transparency I will look at this year.
Transparent # 2 I am Phat.
(I cannot come to use the F in the word.) So I guess I am not being Transparent. My husband says I am more translucent. I will take that. My weight has been a struggle all of my life and I am determined to use this year to understand why. Instead of Alcohol, or cigarettes, or drugs, or whatever, I chose food as my vice. It is easy to get and has I guess over the years satisfied whatever I am missing in my life. They say it takes 21 days to change a habit. I have the treadmill upstairs and am vowing today to use it daily for 21 days to make this a habit. TV is out until the treadmill is done.
I believe this is one translusency (I know that's not a word) I will look at this year.
Transparent #3 Finding Inner Peace.
Who doesn't want that? The world is crazy and sometimes sucks. But yet we constantly are going after the wrong things in life to believe what we might obtain will give us this satisfaction. Inner peace of who I am, what I believe, how I live, is something I have never achieved.
I believe this is one transparency I will look at this year.
Transparent #4 Finding God and living as He intended.
Yes, I know. This should be first. Once found everything else falls into place. But when you have the other junk in front of you it's hard to focus on God. I am being transparent here. However, my year long journey will be seeking God more than I have ever done before. Finding my relationship with Him and have a communion of meditation and prayer. But also finding my life's purpose on how God intended me to life and what my relationship should be with the rest of the world. My family, My friends, My neighbors, My community, My world.
I believe this is one transparency I will look at this year.
Transparent # 5 I have too much stuff.
So there it is. My blog is for me. But also for anyone who cares or faces the same kind of struggles. I have lived in a denial type world and not been true to myself. I am tired of keeping the face with the mask over me for the world to see. I want to share with you my life. In doing so, I will begin to let go any fears I have lived with in my life.
Hi Becky, your not so transparent sister-in-law Kathy here. I am so excited and look forward to going on this journey with you. One of my transparencies is lack of communication especially with my family members. I hope to change that, I really wish we were closer. I feel like I have missed out and look forward to learning more about you. God Bless and I am behind you all the way. You are such an inspiration.
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